Thursday, July 30, 2009

I shall...

I wanna disappear from the Earth. Just for a day. See what it's like. To be here. And then not. I wonder who'd miss me. Or who'd even notice I was gone.
I can't go on being disappointed. It's a terrible feeling. You get excited. Get your hopes up. And then you get nothing. Nothing is as it seems. Life is a disappointment. I wonder if I shall be as well.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Friends. Till. The. End.

Friends are wonderful things to have.
I love mine.
They are more than the world to me.
Beautiful, strong, patient Tiffany.
Been through more than anyone ever.
I love her.
I miss her.
And it kills me I can't be with her.
Help her and save her.
She told me things, that night.
With to many Jaguar bombs,
and shots of vodka.
I had never been so scared in my life.
There was nothing I could do.
And it kills me.
I promise her one day everything will be fine.
And it will be.
One day.
I have to believe it.
Prettiest person I've ever seen, on the outside.
Inside has a lot of her mother in her.
But who doesn't?
Smart, talented.
Wish you could see what I see when you look in the mirror.
God you are wonderful.
Always there in a heartbeat.
You are amazing.
You'd do anything for anyone, no questions asked.
Which makes you so vulnerable.
I'm sorry the worlds cold.
And I'm sorry you'll have to learn this the hard way.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Try And Remember

I miss a lot of things.
Tiffany, Bear, Mom, the cold, ice cream, lunch time, libraries, rain, corn mazes, Jaci, best friends, and grandpas and sisters.
It's hard missing something that's right beside you.
But we all do.
You can reach out and touch it.
But the feelings it once gave you are no longer there.
Laughing. Crying. Dancing. Singing. Memories
I miss being a kid.
No work, just summer time and swimming. Hot dogs and fireworks. Dance class.
Thunder storms and coloring pages.
No boys.
No love or lust.
No heartbreak.
No expectations.
I miss having a family.
Bike rides and snowmen. Pillow fights and card games.
When conversations involved two people talking.
And mommy and daddy where meant for each other.
I miss the touch, the feel, the taste, of you.
And when there was no.
Peace, Chazzie.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

And It All Starts With Hello

So I sit here... wondering... Why blogging?
Where do you even start?
The beginning some might say.
But maybe the beginning isn't so sweet.
Who likes sweet anyway?
So I won't start at the beginning.
I'll start right here.
Right now.
God I'm glad thing has spell check.
Because let me tell you kids.
My spelling is not in check.
You'd think sixteen year old wouldn't need to use spell check.
Wouldn't you?
Well lets just say I'm not the smartest cookie in the cookie jar.
Brightest tool in the shed.
And I'm second in my class.
God that says a lot for my school.
So I started watching Into The Wild today.
And I think I'm in love.
His craziness is just a little to sexy.
Can I get a woot woot.
But anyway.
I wish I was like him.
Totally against society.
In ways I think I am.
Which makes me proud.
I actually got My Scream of the Day from him.
This is definitely not how I wanted my first blog to go.
It shouldn't have been insight.
Told you about.
I guess maybe it did.
P.S. Dork is a cute word.